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Mar 24

Tips for going down on a girl

Not to harp on the subject of cunnilingus, but I realized it was somewhat unfair to write a post demanding that people go down on women without offering any fun suggestions. So I polled some open-minded friends, read some books, polled some friends who had read some books and did some R-rated Googling. Here is a compilation of tips for going down on a girl.

A common theme is go slow. I’m assuming that people reading this blog have a basic familiarity with the clit, which is great, but you don’t want to jump right on it when you’re giving head. This is all about finesse. It takes time, just like it does to give a really good blow job, so before you begin make sure you’re in it for the long haul. If you’re not enjoying yourself or you’re impatient for her to come, it’s going to stress her out and then I promise you she’ll never make it. Like the process of becoming a gladiator (seriously I cannot stop watching Spartacus), giving head to a woman takes concentration, focus and time. Fortunately it’s way more fun than getting bashed over the head with ancient Roman swords.

A lot of teasing makes for a lot of awesomeness when it comes to oral sex. Inner thigh and lower stomach nibbles are good, as is getting really close to the clit and vaginal lips and then moving away riiight when you were about to lick them. Lick down along the hips like you were headed to the clit, and then veer off somewhere else. Enjoying oral head is a head game for women (I know, I know, that sounds totally weird, but it’s true). What I mean is that having an orgasm requires a lot of focus and attention from the woman receiving, as well as the partner giving. The female orgasm is notoriously elusive, no matter how much both partners want it. So a good way to maximize your chances of getting her there is to make her really, really want you to ohmigod just lick me already. Ensuring that her head is where your head is (literally) will ensure that she’s focused on the moment. A good tip for this? Keep her underwear on at first. Lick through them for a bit, and then be furtive about sneaking your tongue inside before you pull them off.

In the same vein, many women enjoy penetration of the vagina or the anus during oral sex, but it is a good idea to ask her before you go for it. A sudden finger where we aren’t expecting it can really jar us out of the mood and might end our chances of cumming. Sometimes a woman will ask you for it, but even if she doesn’t, it’s still a good idea to offer. The more sensations the better. Even if you aren’t penetrating, though, use your hands when you can. Squeeze a thigh, run your hands over her butt, lightly brush the area around her clitoris with a finger. One of the most frequent pieces of advice given to people looking to improve their blow job skills is to use your hands – I think the same advice applies here.

Your tongue is a muscle, and a very impressive one at that. When going down, don’t think of it as doing the same rote licking motions until she either comes or gives you a tap out. Experiment with the firmness of your tongue, and with making it pointed or wider. In general, it is better to lick with the flat of your tongue instead of the tip. You’ll stimulate a larger area, plus your tongue will remain more relaxed. As we now know, you’ll need to keep your strength up, and having a tense tongue isn’t going to help. You can vary your strokes from up and down, to side to side, to circles. One popular tip is to write the alphabet or a sentence to keep your motions varied. Don’t vary too quickly though – you’re not some flashing LED light. Stay with one technique for a while and then switch it up. If she tells you to keep doing what you’re doing, though, please don’t change it! PLEASE!

Err on the side of licking too slowly. She can always tell you to speed it up, but when someone hits you with a tongue going way too quickly it’s harder to come back to the moment. Additionally, some women enjoy having a tongue stuck into their vagina. That might be something to ask about in case she’s not into it. Wait until she’s well lubricated to try that, though. It’ll go better.

Sometimes there is too much wetness down there. That happens. In those instances, don’t be afraid to back off a little bit, use your hands, and then stick your tongue out farther to dry it a little bit. NO ONE wants a sandpaper tongue in their business, but too much saliva can mean too little friction, and a little friction goes a long way when we’re talking about a nerve-hub like the clitoris. Seriously it’s like the Heathrow Airport of the human body, except it’s way more functional.

I feel like the quintessential “eating a girl out” pose is her lying on the bed and her partner between her legs. That works, but don’t be afraid to switch up the positions! There are tons of dynamic positions for oral sex. I am going to defer to one of my close friends, who sent me the following epic quote and probably put me on some sort of gmail watch-list:

“The standard way (receiver on back, giver on stomach) is a solid place to start, but you can also do it with the receiver on their stomach, sitting in a chair and the giver on their knees, receiver sitting on the side of a pool and giver in the pool, both partners on their side, 69, 69 with both partners on their sides (legs act as nice pillows), or my personal favorite, with the giver laying on their back and the receiver sitting, facing forward, on the giver’s face. this angle (especially with penetration) can be an awesome way to stimulate the clit with your tongue from an angle that it doesn’t usually get stimulated. it also allows the receiver to have more control than if she was on her back. it also provides a good angle for the giver to stimulate the receiver’s breasts. and it’s pretty fucking hot when your girl cums on your face.”

Glad I didn’t check that email at work.

Don’t forget that she can help you out! No one’s a mind reader, so don’t be afraid to ask for guidance. She can position her fingers in an inverted “v” shape and direct you to where to lick. She can also spread her own vaginal lips if you want to use your hands for something else. Just because you’re treating your partner to a night of excellent oral sex, doesn’t mean she has to lie there like a statue.

Even if you think she’s totally done, don’t stop. Every woman has a different orgasm, and many women have varying kinds of orgasms. Even if she has one of those rattle-the-windows screaming types of orgasms, don’t stop licking just because she’s stopped screaming. It can still feel extremely pleasurable. She can tell you when to stop – and that’s much, much better than the alternative, which is stopping just when she’s reaching her orgasm and blueballing her like crazy.

At the end of the day, it comes down to communication (as does all of excellent sex). Don’t be afraid to ask questions or request guidance. To many women, it’s far sexier to have a partner who asks questions instead of a partner who assumes that they know exactly what she wants. When someone queries you about whether you like this or that, it conveys that they care about you as a person and respect that you are unique among all the other partners they’ve had. Also, it produces far better results.

Anything I forgot? Anything to add? Comment away! And good luck!

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5 comments

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  1. Anonymous

    YAY!

  2. JuliasThoughts

    I forgot to include another gem of a quote from one of my friends in response to my request for information:
    “do you know how hard it is to describe oral sex moves? If it’s good I’m usually like I have no idea what the fuck you’re doing down there but I love it.”
    TOTALLY AGREE.

  3. Whabam

    You nailed this. As a female just starting oral sex I often no idea what I want, however this is a great place to start. Well done.

  4. Sam

    Oh my God this blog post is the best thing I have read all month. Thank you.

  5. VB

    Thank you! You have done a great service to both female and malekind :)

    I’ve found that the tongue gets tired after a while, esp if it’s expected to give repetitive, rhythmic stimulation while maintaining pressure. There’s an ache near the base of the tongue and the jaw muscles.

    Jaw muscles are easy to train: fill your mouth with water and slosh it around in a rinsing motion. Keep doing it, doing it, till your jaw starts to tire. Rest, repeat. I keep my lips closed but open out the teeth slightly, so the water can move back and forth faster. I think jaw tiredness is also an issue with girls giving long blowjobs, so will help them as well.

    Tongues are trickier to train. I take the smooth kernel of some berry and roll it left & right with my tongue against my hard palate. Still haven’t found a good method of doing back & forth movement. I think it takes work to become a good lover, and it’s worth it.

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