It’s effing summertime! At last. The sun is out, the jackets are in storage and the park is full of flying frisbees. This is very exciting; however, for many of us it means the grudging acknowledgment of the fact that we now have to deal with pesky swim suit-related hair removal. I’d like to take this moment to recommend investigating some home waxing products. I know, I know – it sounds impossible. Even though it can be awkward to have some garrulous woman in the back of a nail salon rip out all of your unwanted body hair, at least you can get away with being a passive participant. All you have to do is lie back and make these faces:
Waxing yourself seems like some sort of freaky masochistic undertaking that belongs exclusively in the domain of the really crazy or really frugal. Here’s the thing though – it’s not like it hurts any worse. Plus it’s way cheaper and you don’t have to tip someone for making you cry in the middle of the day. I would like to share my top five tips for waxing at home and encourage those of you who think you might possibly be interested to give it a try. Beauty salons are only designed to make you feel gross, anyway.
1. Be drunk. I’m not kidding here – you seriously want to rip out your own hair when you’re stone cold sober? Give me a break. Sure, you may get some funky designs going on from your less-than-surgeon-steady hand, but at the end of the day it will make a painful process much more bearable. Plus you’ll be more likely to drunk dial some of your friend and put them on speakerphone to make them keep you company.
2. Investigate your product options. I always thought of waxing as exactly what they have in the salon – a boiling carafe of wax and some polyester strips to attach to it. In reality, though, there are many options when it comes to home waxing. You have pre-waxed strips, sugar based waxes, all this good stuff. I’d like to recommend Moom waxing kit (which you can get for cheap on amazon.com) because you don’t heat it to boiling. In fact, you’re supposed to keep it relatively cool. You don’t really want to be messing around with boiling hot wax, especially when you’re drunk. If you wind up preferring a boiling-style waxing kit, then maybe re-think the drunk part. I don’t want to be responsible for any serious burns in personal areas.
3. Test it out first. This should go without saying, but I realize that not everyone has the same paranoid-sensitive skin that I have. Before you go applying this new product to your nether regions, test a patch on your arm or your leg. You might be allergic to it, or you might be heating it too long, or something else might be going wrong – and trust me, better to know on your forearm then four millimeters away from the most nerve-packed part of your body.
4. Tackle small patches. I can’t emphasize this enough. I thought that I’d seen enough professional waxing that I could emulate their form and go for significant areas of real estate – this is NOT THE CASE. It is far easier to take on small patches, especially when you’re just starting out. It will take longer – but remember, you’re drunk so it’ll seem the same.
5. Give yourself enough time. I prefer to make sure I’m waxing when my roommate isn’t around. This is because the last thing I would ever want is for her to politely knock on the bathroom door and to have me yell some horrifically offensive phrase back at her. I will say this – especially the first time, it’s going to take longer than you think. And it’s going to take way longer than it would at the salon. Way longer. Like bring snacks with you longer.
Happy summer everyone! Remember, it’s not all sunshine and daisies! Sometimes it’s brutal pain in the name of personal beautification!